There once was the porter of the chair position at Chateau Versailles, but when I came to their Human Resources, nobody could advise me on the code or even department to put on my application; so, I couldn’t get the job. Perhaps the position had been long antiquated; after all, on the eve of the French Revolution, Louis XVI had a big palace reform, slashing the budget, and striking at the hardworking folk without any consideration for any tidings of nostalgia.
For the best job description of the porter of the chair I would like to refer my reader to the Memoirs of Count Hezecques. In his memoirs the count describes the two most humble royal servants, one of whom, a tailor from the street of Old Versailles, wins me over with his hat pulled over the eyebrows, velour outfit and a small ceremonial sword dangling on the left side; he must have been the butt of the jokes of every royal page, being in charge of the king’s shitter and all its contents. He was also a bit of an ass-wipe, due to the fact that his duties comprised the care of the linen with which His Majesty had cleaned himself; and to which this officer was entitled; this linen, Hezecques imagines, could have figured as a napkin and a conversation piece at the porter‘s dinner table, in spite of its former designation.